Behind Infinity

My Dad, as he sorted through the mail, tossed me a thin envelope emblazoned with the Grand Valley logo. I opened it halfheartedly, wondering what sort of graduation-related junk mail it was. Likely the alumni association, already begging me for money, I surmised. But when I saw that it was on Classics department stationary, my heart’s pace quickened and I knew what it was.

Dear Ms. Hunter,

It gives me great pleasure to inform you that, upon recommendation of the Classics Department faculty, you have been recognized for the Prokope Award for 2008. On behalf of the entire department, I’d like to offer you our congratulations on work very well done.

Although I’ve received departmental awards in the past, I hadn’t really expected to get one this year. That’s not to say I didn’t dearly want one–recognition means way too much to me. But there are only so many distinguished/overachieving/brilliant senior awards, and many of my graduating classmates are downright brilliant. There’s Devin, who has been doing scholarship since he was in diapers on obscure topics like the writings of John Chrysosdom, a Christian mystic. And Jaci, who has studied abroad and been to more archeological digs than I have horse shows. And Kate, dear, brilliant Kate of the 3.99999999 GPA (some writing prof had the nerve to give her an A-). Sure, I’m a good student. But not like them. I dabble. Greek because it’s beautiful. Latin because it’s beneficial. Stoicism because it’s intriguing. I’m interested, passionate even, but not 110% invested in a topic, the way my colleagues are. And there’s only so much recognition to go around. So as I read the letter my ears kind of buzzed, and I felt a mild adrenaline rush and a huge sense of relief that I wasn’t left out. I queried my mental lexicon for the word prokope, but it wasn’t working. I knew I had heard the word before…it was a Dr. Anderson word. But the definition escaped me. So I took a dictionary dive.

The thing about Greek that’s kept me going for four years even though it’s crazyhardandannoying at times is the absolute beauty of the words themselves. They have a somewhat musical sound sometimes, but more than that, every word has such a story to it. You look in the big lexicon and there’s a certain two-letter word that has 2 whole pages dedicated to its history and definition. There are so many words, each with a slightly different connotation and shading. When the Greeks didn’t have a word for something, they made up a new one. It makes vocabulary learning a beastly task. It makes the language extremely precise. And like in any language, a word gains depth and background each time it’s used.

The basic definition of the Greek word prokope is “progress on a journey”. That’s actually where we get the English word progress. Drill down farther and you get “improvement”. “process of time or growth”. It’s the word Paul uses to describe Timothy’s progress in the faith in 1 Timothy 4 and the Phillipians’ growth in Phil. 1:25. It’s a key word in the writings of Epictetus (Stoic philosopher) about the lifestyle of the Stoic person. Prokope is not Classics-Nerd-Speak for “most improved student” — it is a word of striving, of personal and spiritual development.

And this is lame but I cried a little because prokope is perhaps the word that best describes my relationship with the Classics and my education in general. (Pathemathos, “learning through suffering”, is the other contender). I don’t even remember why I became a Classics major…all I figure is that I failed art, and computer science bored me, so it was just the next thing. It could have just as easily been English or Writing or even Psychology. One could argue that those fields are much more relevant. But what followed was an odyssey of philosophy and language and culture and thought, requiring more discipline and fortitude and mental stamina than I thought I had. And I’m not saying that I possess any of these things in great quantity, but through study of the Classics I certainly have gained more than I had before, and that’s what Classics became to me: not a scholarly pursuit, or a career, but rather an important means to growth, and personal growth even more than intellectual. A part of living the examined life–an important part, but still just a part, often eclipsed by the needs of the farm or the 17 violin students, sometimes taking a backseat to personal struggles and issues. Sometimes it caused those issues. More often, it helped resolve them, on some level or another.

So it means a lot to me that my professors recognize and feel a need to commemorate this. And it explains, too, why I’m feeling very laid-back about graduation: I’m neither overjoyed, nor dismayed. It’s been lovely…but there’s other prokope to be done. It’s time to move on, and I look forward to what happens next, even though I have no idea what it is yet.

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything meaningful. I apologize for that, and while I really should be writing lesson plans and doing Latin homework right now, I feel compelled to rectify the situation.

Life just keeps going. Outside, it’s trying to be springtime. Inside, I am barrelling towards the finish line of my undergrad degree (34 days) and anticipating the beginning of my real life. Over the past few weeks I’ve reached a state of equilibrium and balance in life, I think…I like myself (and everyone else too) a lot more than I did a few weeks ago. Maybe someday (when I don’t have Latin homework and lesson plans to do yet tonight) I’ll take the time to write about some of the things I’ve learned and some of the thoughts I have. They’re probably nothing profound. But it’s making all of the difference in the world.

I realized the other day that I’ve gained weight recently. Apparently I’ve been eating too much chocolate and not doing enough chores. Or something. I don’t know how much, because I never weigh myself. I judge things by a particular pair of pants. At the end of the summer they were practically falling off my butt. At the moment, they sit at my bellybutton. I hope soon I can start running again to take care of this problem. In the grand scheme of things though I’m still way below my B.H. (before horses) weight.

My current favorite breathy female singer is Ingrid Michaelson. She has some great lyrics.

Today was like any other. I didn’t accomplish much tangible. But I did re-connect with a good friend over morning coffee, I taught some Latin and violin, and I brought my broken camera in to be fixed. (This is the camera that was lost so I bought a new one but then I found it and it worked for 3 weeks and then died.) So soon there will be more pictures than ever.

Then I went out to play with my horses, although I should have been working on stuff. I apologize to those of you who are here for the horse pictures; my horses are so scruffy and fat and muddy right now that they are not picture-worthy. Jezebelle’s mane is literally 2 foot long, and it fell out of its braids last week, so now it is tangled in windcurls that will take me hours if not days to undo. I am trying to begin spring training for the show season. The weather and my schedule makes it difficult but not quite impossible. The riding arena is a muddy pond right now so I am stuck using whatever patch of semi-dry and somewhat-level land I can find. I am going trainerless this year (except for a dressage lesson once in awhile, and likely a lot of input from Rachael where my western pleasure horse is concerned) due to finances and my own stubborn independence. I’m a big girl and I like doing it myself, even if it means slower progress. I am both nervous and excited about this. The season starts for us on May 17 and we have the option to show every weekend, if we want.

Jezebelle and I will continue riding saddleseat and costume classes. We might add some hunter pleasure too. And we will also be showing at dressage shows on the weekends we’re not showing the Arab circuit. Should be fun times.

I’m hoping Star will be ready to show by July or so. I will be riding her in Western Pleasure classes, and I might have my friend Jen riding her in Hunter Pleasure. I also hope to show her in halter classes.

Believe it or not, Max the yearling is not a yearling anymore, he is two. I love him to bits even when he’s being annoying. He wears a saddle and bridle without fuss. We’re starting to line-drive and by the end of the summer I want to be riding him. I was grooming him today and stepped back and realized how big he is getting. “You have such a grown-up butt!” I said. Silly, but true. He’s rounded out and his tail is almost to the ground already. How time flies.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Tonight I attended a fundraiser banquet put on by the Harvest church youth group. It was “Decades”-themed (40s, 50s, 60s, etc.) and the kids did skits and popular songs from the various decades. They were AMAZING–very enthusiastic performers, just adorable.

Here’s a photoset for those interested:

Click here to visit flickr photos

Hopefully I can get some video up too…

Miss Brittany: “What do you do when you’re faced with a big, long, scary sentence like this?”
Latin Student 1 (boy, 7th grade): “Give up.”
Latin Student 2: (girl, 8th grade): “Cry.”

In Latin 404, we finished reading Suetonius’ biography of Nero today. That means we read over 40 pages of Latin in a little over half a semester. Amazing. We’re going to start Tacitus now.

“Congratulations. You officially have permission to graduate now.”
-Dr. Anderson, after finishing my degree audit

Happiness is: Stopping by the library after capstone, finding a book so engrossing that I didn’t notice when I walked through ankle-deep puddles on the way back to the car.

And it still being just light enough to work a horse when I got home at 8pm, in the afterglow of an epic sunset.