Behind Infinity

Last night, in my capstone class, I had to give a 20-minute presentation about some work of 19th-century postmodern German philosopher Nietsche. I do not like Nietsche, I found out as I did my research. However, the presentation turned out to be pretty great, I didn’t stutter or stumble at all (which is a first), and Dr. L told me not once but several times how pleased he was with my work. I really like how when Dr. L is pleased with a student’s work, he goes way beyond the usual “hey, good job” to sure you know, and know, and know. It’s good for my ego.

This morning I got up, had my balanced breakfast, did morning chores, and headed out for work…that is, my Friday’s worth of 9 violin lessons back-to-back. As I ate breakfast I worried about the snow that was coming down outside, but I told myself it would be fine and headed out. It seemed to be letting up anyway as I left. However, it wasn’t. I got about 9 miles from home (54th street) before I threw up my hands (figuratively, of course, because I was actually white-knuckles on the steering wheel) and turned around because the farther north I got, the worse the roads were, and the more I started to panic with every ditched (and upside-down!) car I started to pass. I’m not excited about losing a week’s pay, but oh well. I guess it’s just a part of the job. Or maybe i should stop being so psychotic.

Speaking of jobs, one of my profs has a lead on a middle-school Latin teaching job for me after graduation. I really hope it works out.

So instead of teaching today, I’m camped out on the couch watching TLC’s “What Not to Wear” while I do design work. I guess the day isn’t a total loss. Especially since my Mommy just came home with a Starbucks coffee for me.

Starbucks and Mommy always make me feel better about everything.

I really wish I could afford (time-wise and money-wise) to spend about an hour at Starbucks every morning, like I do on Wednesdays. It’s just a great time to regroup and gather my thoughts–get some reading done, catch up on e-mail, write, whatever. This morning one of my student’s moms happened to be there at the same time as I was, so we had coffee together and talked. Coffee and talk are my favorites.

The sun was gleaming this morning and there was no wind, so that meant that 20 degrees felt like a tolerable 9 degrees rather than -6 or whatever. So I cleaned up the barn a bit and chucked some hay bales around while the herd ate their breakfast. Then I spent some quality time brushing the ponies (who are beginning to shed the winter fuzz! yay!), exercised each of them in the roundpen, and then Jezzie and I went for a little ride.

There’s a little drainage ditch/creek that runs across the path we wanted to take, and even though we’ve crossed without incident may times, today Jezzie and I fell right into it (likely because it was covered by snow). Pretty funny stuff, although she wasn’t amused. On the way back we had an argument about whether we were going to cross it again. After several failed attempts, I got off and crossed to show her that it was no biggie. And there we stayed for another 10 minutes, on opposite sides of the ditch, and had a lively debate about whether or not crossing was really necessary and beneficial. She put her ears back and scowled at me. Horses CAN scowl, you know. She pawed. She tried to rear. She fidgeted with the dead weeds around her. Finally she schnuffled the water, sighed, and scrambled across.

It was a great moment. I know it sounds little, but Jezebelle’s crossing the creek was a hard-won act of trust and submission. She’s not an inherently naughty girl like some horses, but she DOES have a mean stubborn streak and when she doesn’t want to do something, she sticks to her guns for a VERY long time and throws a temper tantrum, if necessary. (Boarding the trailer is another one of her “favorite” activities which evokes this kind of behavior.) And I can be kind of a wuss (which is maybe code for lazy), so the temptation to give up and let her have her way is always there. But it’s such a great feeling when she finally “gets” it.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

Black cats are so beautiful
and
I miss Mr. Rogers and my Grandpa every day
and
Life doesn’t always make sense
and
Brycen is my favorite
and
I wish I was a better friend
and
it snowed a lot today (driving terrifies me)
and
It’s going to be all right

[someday].