Behind Infinity

I have a 4th brother now. He is 8 lbs 6 oz and has red hair.

^this picture is adorable.

I spent the Labor Day holiday weekend vacationing with my fam, up at Lakeview. Lakeview, a campground on Upper Hamlin Lake/5 minutes from Ludington State Park, is the beautiful place of my childhood. When we bought the popup trailer 13 years ago, Lakeview was one of the very first campgrounds we visited and while not many places have warranted a repeat visit, Lakeview’s quiet, family atmosphere, grassy sites bordered by woods, clean swimming pool, and great fishing have made it into a family tradition. We have a standing reservation on site #8, and for the past 13 years we have headed up for a week or a very long weekend. When I was a kid and we lived in the suburbs, these trips were a precious escape from the asphalt and the traffic and the blaring stereos, a chance to watch sunsets and catch frogs and pick wildflowers. Now that we live on what’s basically our own little nature preserve, it’s still a good change of pace, a time to unwind and relax, and an important chance for family-togetherness-time, something which does not happen often enough lately (for goodness’ sake, we had to take 4 different cars up as it was, to accommodate all the stuff and everyone’s schedules).

These days, since we sold our old house, Lakeview is where I feel closest to my childhood and remember it most vividly–all the things I used to imagine, and the games I used to play. Here’s the spot in the woods where I built a way-cool fort one year, and over there is where we played Indians. Walking up the very steep hill from the lake, I always used to pretend I was an orphan climbing the Appalachian mountains (why there would be an orphan in the Appalachias is anyone’s guess, but things really didn’t have to make sense back then. For goodness’ sake, I only had a vague notion of where the Appalachians might be anyway, I just knew that Appalachia was a fun word to say and so it must be a pretty place.) This year I didn’t do much fishing for some reason but I did go for ride in our rented aluminum boat with Dad and the girls. I’ve always loved being out on the lake. There’s a certain (very large) vacation home I’ve always loved, with cedar siding and very tall windows, and I used to imagine what it would be like to live there and all of the things I would do.

Lakeview is where I went on my very first “real” horseback ride. They don’t do trail rides there, but we used to be pretty good friends with the owner of the campground (a widow with two homeschooled children, who has since retired and moved down south). One year I spent many hours sitting in their backyard drawing pictures of their horses, and on the very last day before we left, Deb saddled them up and invited me to come trail riding with her. I enjoyed it, to say the least. The next year, my freshman year at GV, I had 30 thumbnail still-life sketches due in Drawing class on the day I got back so I spent my weekend arranging piles of random objects on our picnic table and drawing them. I got a D on that assignment–my first D ever. I was so devastated that I dropped the class right then and there–walked out right in the middle, forgetting my sketchpad (which was a bummer because it was an expensive, large sketchpad, and even though my name was on it, some random art major stole it) and quit my art major. Lakeview is where I learned how to fish and how to toast a perfectly golden marshmallow. It’s where I sorted myself out after experiencing stunning, heartrending rejection. It’s where I saw the stars and constellations for the first time. (When I was a child I didn’t wear glasses for my nearsightedness and I couldn’t see the stars much at all. The first year I had contacts, I was blown away by all the stuff actually up there.) It’s where I remembered God still exists and he really does love me, unfathomable though it may be.

This year I didn’t do much, which was exactly how it should be. Blissful inactivity. I was the last one to join the fam, arriving late Sunday morning after having stayed back to take care of the horses and go to the WMAHA Fall Classic A-rated horse show with Rachael on Saturday. On Sunday we went to the beach. The rest of the trip, I didn’t leave the campground. I read over 1000 pages of non-school-related material, including a riveting novel and an informative book about building animal housing. I swung on the swings with my siblings and made doughbabies in the campfire. It was good, and it ended too soon.

going to the beach

my brother was pooped from running like 5 miles or something. all he wanted to do was sleep. but it was really fun to throw grapes in his vicinity because the seagulls would divebomb him.

yeah, i’m a hottie

we didn’t really throw him in (and yes, I have lost weight, thank you for noticing)

yaaaar mateys

Preston’s first camping trip (he’s getting big and disproportionate lately)

a creature

drawing important pictures

family campfire action

brothers

Today after morning church the fam (minus one brother) packed into the minivan and headed out to Grand Haven. We spent the day at the beach and then in the evening went to see Michael Card in concert at the Waterfront Stadium. This guy, a songwriter/singer/instrumentalist/writer/theologian, has been one of my heroes for a very long time. My very first grown-up music album (and by that I mean something besides Mr. Rogers and Steve Green compilations) was a cassette tape of his album “Joy in the Journey”, and his music and writings have blessed, impacted, comforted and educated me in a big way ever since…all through my angsty teen years and college blahs. Tonight makes the 4th or 5th time I’ve seen him in concert, and each one was as enjoyable as the last.

We arrived in Grand Haven at around 2:30, and it took us forever to find a parking spot. Grand Haven is such a mess. Eventually we found parking at the YMCA, which was quite a walk from the beach, but at least it had little grills to cook our burgers. The kids played on this massive playground while Dad tended the meat.

Dinner was yummy. After that, we headed off to the beach.

Unfortunately, a persistent north wind meant that the water was a chilly 54 degrees or something like that. There were many people on the beach but not a body in the water. This is as far in as I got.

Brycen was a little more adventurous than I was…

but pretty soon he decided that building sandcastles was a better way to enjoy the beach today.

my parents are cute.

After that we walked back up to the waterfront stadium (which, for the non-Michiganders, is a portable band shell and a large bleachers, right on the waterfront) to stake out our turf for the concert. Front row and almost center? Why yes, that sounds positively lovely. The blankets provided a great place for the kids to roll around and fidget during the concert. It was ideal.

Before seeing Michael Card we had to endure a half-hour of the “Worship on the Waterfront Praise Team” and their off-key 7-11 (seven words eleven times) choruses. But finally, we got the real deal.

“They’re doing some interesting things with human cloning these days, down in Tennessee,” Michael quipped as he brought out his bearded, balding, greying twin and sidekick-for-the-day, Jeff Taylor, a bluegrass guy who often tours with people like Ricky Skaggs and Aubrie Haynie. Jeff just happened to be up in these parts today, so Michael asked him to come play. Way cool. MC and JT switched places and instruments every couple of songs. I love versatile instrumentalists…between them they had a piano, a dulcimer, a mandolin, two accordions, a penny whistle, a guitar, and…

“I have a banjo, and I will use it!” Michael Card proclaimed in a threatening manner, and then proceeded to play a gorgeous medley of bluegrass/celtic infused hymns.

This concert was my first introduction to Michael’s “The Hidden Face of God” album, an exploration of the role of lament in the Christian life. He’s also recently done two books on the subject. I intend to read both of them in the near future.

My favorite song of the night—
iTunes Link: I Will Not Walk Away”

I made the Man of Sorrows sorry by all my foolish lies.
I drove the nails, I raised the cross
I was the reason that He died

Utterly unfaithful then I added anger to my sin
In a world already dark to me, I closed my eyes and would not see

So I may kick and I may scream, say many things I do not mean
Hold blindly to what is not true, but I will not walk away from You.

Just why I choose to disobey
I simply cannot tell

Why I blame you when I rebel and weep for wounds I give myself
Then screaming at an empty sky, I search for you and wonder why…

Though I cause you so much agony, you refuse to walk away from me

Don’t read me pointless poems friend
Don’t diagnose, don’t condescend
Though you may be right to disagree
I need someone to weep with me

I made the Man of Sorrows sorry by all my foolish lies
I drove the nails, I raised the cross
I was the reason that He died

So I may kick and I may scream,
Hold blindly to what is not true
But I will not walk away from you.

It would seem that for real, for true, we are in fact for real moving on Saturday. The truck has been reserved, the people have been invited for the moving party–this is indeed the point of no return.

I’ve spent the afternoon packing up what remains of my stuff here. My little purple room is starting to feel somewhat…forlorn. It’s even developed a bit of an echo. (I’m not exaggerating.) There is 1 picture frame left hanging on the wall. It’s starting to sink in–we’re actually leaving this place where we’ve spent the better part of 15 years.

I can’t be sad, because living on 12 acres in a house we built ourselves is going to be amazing. But even though my new bedroom looks out over a pine forest that looks like Narnia, I will miss the gigantic spreading maple trees outside my window here.

Anyone who wants to join the party Saturday morning is welcome…call me, eh?